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Secret Diary of Michael Schumacher: Part 45

Monday August 08 2005

45: Part Funf und Vierzig: Hungary

Planet-F1 brings you the secret diary of the World's greatest F1 driver as he bounces back in Budapest...

Greetings to all my faithful tifosis. We are back in the hunt with a resounding second place in Budapest to be celebrating. Had it not been for Kimiís car mysteriously running to the finish we would have had victory No.2 and a great shot up our arms for all the hard work which is being completed in Maranello..

In Hungary we also learned that 35 degrees Celsius is still not hot enough to get Jean Todt to take his Ferrari jumper off. Sabine thinks the ribs contain water and one of the radios, which he is attaching all over his body, is a pump. That is one theory. Turkey, in the middle of August, will be the supreme test to see if he takes it off.

Quite honestly and obviously and honestly and obviously I am sad that Rubens is leaving us next year. Rubens is a man and even though he cries when he wins he is a manís man. Felipe Massa looks like he took the day off school. What is totally astonishing is to see tall women in the Sauber garage that appear to be his girlfriend. He should be going home to a PlayStation and a skateboard and wearing his cap back to forwards, not dating real women with real breasts. There is something wrong in this. And when he is spinning the digit for David Coulthard at Imola I felt Charlie Whiting should be giving him a detention and speaking to his mother. Still, next year will be interesting and of course they will want my autograph, and we will get talking.

Not that I am straying in love from my wonderful Lieblings Donut Face. We are planning such a beautiful nice future together in our newly constructed castle in Switzerland. Ralf has said to me, ďAre you going to call it Schloss Schumi?Ē However between Lieblings and me Ė in the hot-tub I think it was - we had already decided on NeuSchumiStein.

Like all castles it will have impressive walls, a moat, a trophy halle for my race cars and winning trophies (I think it is safe to leave another 15 winning spaces and 25 podium spaces) and a go-kart track. I know that this thing we are making is not a thing that was in medieval castles, but nobody is expecting me to have executions or pour boiling oil on people trying to sell me double glazing.

Although Jean Todt did enquire if I had any dungeons planned and smiled, but I was not sure where the joke was.

Lieblings has promised to put me in her own dungeons if she catches press photos of me tucking my shirt into my trousers again. Deep down inside of me I know it looks cool not to tuck it in and that Fernando and Jenson leave theirs out, so it must be cool. But, like letting a team-mate win a GP, itís something I just cannot bring myself to do.

It was great to have Ralfie on the podium with me in Hungary, it is only a pity our season is starting so late in the daytime. Ross was right. If you go round saying ďwe canít make the car go any faster, the tyres must be s****Ē for long enough, then Bridgestone will take the hint and design a proper tyre.

Things are warming up nicely for Turkey, and though the records mean nothing at all to me, a first winner of the first ever Turkish Grand Prix is not a bad way to celebrate August.

The Schum

<< Part 44  |  Secret Diary of Michael Schumacher  |  Part 46 >>

Disclaimer: I am not the author, but have archived these entries for posterity as I felt that they were so well written by "Michael Schumacher" for Planet-F1 (who have removed almost all of the originals from their website).