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Formula 1

Secret Diary of Michael Schumacher: Part 48

Saturday December 17 2005

48: Part Acht unt Vierzig: Michael Schumacher's Christmas Message

Our Sekret Tagebuch contributor, Michael Schumacher, continues his series of exclusive revelations about Schumiwelt and the state of F1.

So my tifosi playthings, it is the end of what was a horrible year. As the Queen of England would be saying, my anus horriblis.

I still cannot slightly believe that I am coming third in the Drivers' Championship after such disappointing results, I suppose I have 'the fat boy' to thank for that (incidentally, someone is e.mailing me a lovely photo of Juan's favourite burger joint in Las Vegas – it is called Fatburger "because he is a fatburger").

In years going past I have only got into the new car in January, but quite honestly and obviously it is no hard task to be testing before Christmas for a change. For the last five years I have been signing Der Weltmeister caps, framed printings and attending a lot of dinners and smiling tell my face hurts. This year, none.

Lieblings, pudgie wudgie donut face has had me at home supervising the building process for Schloss Schumi and it is more boring than looking through Ralf's holiday snaps album (300 pages of Cora The Crow wearing only a thong and ear-rings). To escape all the talk of underfloor heating, solar panels, electrics and plumbing diameters I have gone off testing.

There was much laughter when I spun into the gravel early on at Jerez. Ross Braun asked me if it was because I was following the Safety Car again, which I took as a friendly joke, but only if he makes it once.

It is strange to hear the noise a V8 makes when I have raced with V10s for so long. On the first lap I was shocked at the lack of power, but then I noticed that I had not used the full potential of the engine. I had got the engine switched to Felipe Massa mode – same levels of power as mine, but it comes in little squirts.

Felipe Massa is an interesting person to have in the team – he is less of a team-mate and more like an adopted child. The bizarre thing is that this little boy has a full-sized girlfriend. Not as nice as Kimi's obviously, or Jenson's ex, but someone to have fun with in the motorhome

We are making a nice test in Jerez which is making me an optometrist for the new season. Things are falling in to place. Max has finally got Michelin to quit so they will not be as motivated as before, the FIA are re-introducing tyre stops which will help Bridgestone and the new engines will start everybody from a playing field.

Of course there are many rumblings in the Gazetta about what Ferrari's future is and my future is, but that is only to be expected in the gaps when there is no racing. They have pointed out that Jean Todt will retire in 2006 and that Ross is only at Maranello until the end of 2007. They are also putting two and two into a calculation with Vodafone’s move to sponsor McLaren.

Vodafone are also one of my personal sponsors which everyone sees as meaning I will go to work in Woking, but this is not the case. I can tell you exclusively tifosi that I have made no decision to retire or move as yet. My good friend Mario Andretti thinks I could be driving till the age of 50, however Lieblings has said that if I am still racing at 40, she is taking up the drawbridge at Schloss Schumi and thowing boiling oil on top of me.

I am quite happy to race if it means not talking to builders about plastering finish. However I don't think it will be for Red Bull Racing. I know 2005 wasn't a great year for me, and it is very flattening to be wanted, but if I signed for RBR in 2007 that would make me the new David Coulthard.

Finally a big personal thanks to all my loyal fans who are supporting me through the bad and good times. It is a true mark of friendship to have support when things go wrong, because it is easy when things are going right. I will try my hardest to bring home title No.8 for you in 2006.

And don't forget there are many small Christmas gifts that you can still buy on my website. Willi says we still have stock in the warehouse(s).

The Schum

<< Part 47  |  Secret Diary of Michael Schumacher               

Disclaimer: I am not the author, but have archived these entries for posterity as I felt that they were so well written by "Michael Schumacher" for Planet-F1 (who have removed almost all of the originals from their website).