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Formula 1

Secret Diary of Michael Schumacher: Part 36

Monday August 23 2004

36: Part Sechs und Dreizig

The latest instalment in Planet-F1's exclusive insight into the inner mind of the greatest racing driver ever to strap himself into a Ferrari. Read for yourself Michael's own secret diary...

Hello my wholesome yet fresh and fruity tifosi playthings. Are you ready for number 13 in the series?

2004 is indeed a fantastic and interesting non-stop rollercoaster ride of wins for your Schumster - except, of course, without the down bits of a rollercoaster and a lot of extra up bits instead. Or maybe one down bit in Monaco. I am confident as we head towards the magnificent forests of the Spa that you will be seeing one more podium leap from yours truthful.

First a few letters. A Mr. Davies has written to me saying that I will be soon getting an award from The Nice society. Quite honestly I am very nice but this is not why they are heaping me with this trophy. No. Apparently, and yet I did sort of know this; I am always commenting that things are nice: "Rubens did a nice race, the team did a nice pitstop, I put in some nice times" and so on.

Showing that I have a nice sense of humour (you see) I wrote back that this was very nice of them.

Some other fans are writing to me and saying that they are getting bored with F1 why don't I retire. Well, quite honestly and obviously it is not my fault that some of the teams - such as Jordan - have fallen off the top pace. It is a sorry situation when the most interesting yellow thing in F1 is Ross Brawn's middle-of-the-race banana. In fact probably also the fastest yellow thing.

I am astonishing that Jenson Button has signed for Williams in the 100% sure knowledge that Mark Webber is going there also. Quite honestly and quite obviously this is a bad move. I told Jenson, always go for a team that gives you a slow and grateful team-mate. It makes you look good and your team-mate doesn't care, he's just happy to be on the grid.

There is much talk in the motorsport newspapers about the new qualifying shapes for 2005. Quite honestly and obviously I am sure I will do a nice qualifying whatever format they choose. Although I am not sure I will beliking to drive minis, which are, after all, owned by BMW.

And yet more Schum comment on topical news. Max has said he is going to force new rules through on safety grounds if the teams cannot agree. I think the sun of Monaco is getting to his ginger head somehow. The more rules that are changed for 2005, the more the smaller teams lose out. Knowing Max he will measure the size of the McLaren motorhome and then ban all motorhomes that are this big on the grounds of safety.

Perhaps he will also try and enforce his idea that drivers must drive for different teams from race to race, the one that he had two years ago and which everyone laughed at many times over. Is it any surprise that Mickey Mouse and Max Mosley have the same initials?

Of course if Max is Mickey then that makes Bernie, Donald Duck (likely to fly into a rage at a moment's notice) and Charlie Whiting is obviously Pluto.

Now some exclusive and exciting news that is very special and makes me honoured beyond my wildest expectancy. Recently you might have heard that Jean Todt is becoming much more than the Ferrari sporting director. Yes, Jean was made into the managing director of the greatest car makers in the world.because of his ferocious endeavourings in the F1 arena.

And now he has given me the very nice news that is almost taking my breath away. The new sports car which will be the following model to follow the dangerously fast Enzo is going to be...The Schumi. It will be the most advanced sports car of its kind and take automotive engineering beyond the boundaries of what is possible.

We are still in the planning stages so everything is still very hush hush your mouth, but I cannot sleep at night with thinking about all the features we would like to incorporate.

More news after my next win in Belgium...

<< Part 35  |  Secret Diary of Michael Schumacher  |  Part 37 >>

Disclaimer: I am not the author, but have archived these entries for posterity as I felt that they were so well written by "Michael Schumacher" for Planet-F1 (who have removed almost all of the originals from their website).